:) Am strans niste "vorbe" daca le putem spune asa :P care mi s-au parut mie mega tari :D funny si true unele :P(Most are about sex though) So m-am gandit ca ar fi nice sa share :P
(Sunt"ingrosate" the ones I like most :P)
My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'
When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better.
My wife is a sex object. Evertime I ask for sex, she objects.
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
A terrible thing happened to me last night again - Nothing.
I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though.
It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night
A nymphomaniac is a women as obsessed with sex as the average man.
Sex is the invention of a very clever venereal disease.
Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
My ultimate fantasy is to entice a man to my bedroom, put a gun to his head and say, 'Make babies or die
Girls are always running through my mind. They don't dare walk.
What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself."
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer
Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!
Sex is emotion in motion. ~ Mae West
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.
Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
Tell him I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa.
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
I'm not talented enough to type and pick my nose at the same time.
If life gives you lemons, throw them at some one!
I fell out of my chair. This might take a while.
A day without sunshine is like... night.
I'm not here right now but if you scream really loud into your monitor I might be able to hear you!
I'm on a mission to save the world (I can't believe they trusted me with this).
I have been temporarily distracted by a shiny object.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you.
Do NoT Type like Tis... It MaKeS you LoOk ReT@RdEd.
I was about to conquer the world but then I got distracted by something shiny.
Girls rule while boys drool!
I'm a girl and I bite so don't bother me.
Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.
If you think girls are all for clothes make-up, jewelry and boys, then you're right.
Girls know everything, boys just don't know it yet.
Coffee, chocolate, and men. Some things are just better rich.
I'm not a complicated person I'm just good at complicating things.
Don't hate me because I'm smart and pretty ; hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
He broke my heart so I broke his jaw.
It's a girls world, guys just live in it.
I don't need your attitude... I've got my own.
Men are like high heels; they're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
God created man then He had a better idea.